Over a month into COVID-19 restrictions, construction jobsites are getting shaggy. This is making the hipster engineer on the job mad. River Banks is the resident project hipster and he is unhappy that people that don't live the true hipster lifestyle will dilute the hipster population with people who aren't committed to the entire cause. He doesn't want posers amongst his hipster brethren. River previously challenged the project leaders with mixed success and is having similar results this time. While not a literal protected class, he so closely identifies with all of the unique requirements that most hipsters adhere to that he feels disrespected with the shaggier locks and facial hair most of the crew is growing. River feels that his project team is culturally appropriating the hipster culture. His only recourse to grow both his beard and hair out longer to stay ahead of and unique from most of the crew. In doing so, River is concerned that he will start looking like a homeless person. Not because he doesn't want to look homeless but because he is woke and concerned that he might be culturally appropriating the look and culture of the local homeless population.
An option that River is trying to sell his crew is to do free haircuts during the morning safety meeting. This would be a way for them to keep their hair short and for him to keep his cool look on the job. It sounds a bit weird but almost no one can turn down a free anything in the trailer or on the job site. River is banking on his crew's general inability to say no to free stuff in his desperate attempt to keep them from looking uniquely hipster like him. This thinking might sound crazy but COVID-19 is creating a crazy time that River thinks requires crazy wokeness and ingenuity to get through.
***This was another Fake Construction News article. Stay tuned for more.***
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