After reading an article from the Babylon Bee (https://babylonbee.com/news/parents-buy-up-nations-entire-stock-of-earplugs-in-preparation-for-frozen-2) in which parents buy all available earplugs in the run up to Frozen 2, Trip Fawl, a local Safety Manager, has raided safety closets on all jobsites for earplugs. As a well connected and seasoned parent, he knows that experienced parents are preparing for more of the worst (the most catchy and incessantly annoying) musical expressions of feeling that Frozen is known for. They are desperate for hearing protection that will keep them sane while every child under the age of 10 sings their heart away for the two weeks after watching Frozen. This is where Mr. Fawl comes in. He identified a problem and is implementing a solution even if his tactics are questionable.
When asked what he was going to do with all of the earplugs he gathered he said, "I am going to sell them on the black market, possibly online but likely to parents in lines at movie theaters. To keep the transactions quick and anonymous, I am only going to accept cash payment." By selling to parents in movie lines, he is catching them as the last moment before the torture sets in and desperation is peaking. Mr. Fawl was questioned about his tactics and how his actions could negatively impact the projects he took earplugs from. Trying to brush aside any questions of ethics he stated, "All professionals on every jobsite already have a working set of ear plugs. If they lose them, that's on them. Plus, I already backordered replacements that might be here by Christmas." When pressed further on how his actions might negatively impact the people on his jobs he responded, "Back in the day, guys just used cigarette butts to stifle construction noise. There's at least a smoker or two on every job so they'll figure out how to make do until the replacement earplugs show up."
Ever the entrepreneur, Mr. Fawl is already working on his next idea and planning for future mind killing children's movies. Time is tight this go around with Frozen hitting theaters today but Mr. Fawl is in talks with augmented and virtual reality makers to develop devices that look like regular glasses so that parents can watch adult aged mind rotting movies while their children watch movies like Frozen. These devices will shield parents from the obnoxiousness of children's movies while also tricking their kids into thinking they are paying attention. If things work out right, he is confident he might even get a patent or two while helping parents survive the next round of kid movies.
***This was another Fake Construction News article. Stay tuned for more.***
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